Truck

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load.”

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!”

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!”

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window and, as she lowers it, he says…

“Hi, my name is Kevin. It’s winter in Minnesota, and I’m driving the salt truck!”

10 Notes on Dieting

If you eat something but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
Drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar cancels out the calories in the candy bar.
When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do.
Foods used for medicinal purposes never count, e.g., hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you appear thinner.
Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel, e.g., Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, and Tootsie Rolls.
Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.
Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons has no calories, e.g., peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.
Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples include spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms, and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.

Very long pause

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
Very long pause…
“Java.”

Featured: Original Jokes by Fred Stoller

Click here to watch Fred Stoller's original jokes video.

Joke of The Day

Got Any Bread?

A duck walks into a bar and says ” Got any bread?”
And the barman says “No”
The next day the duck returns and says “Got any bread?”
And the barman, “No!”.
The following day the duck returns and says “Got any bread?”
“I told you yesterday, N-O NO!”
The next day the duck returns and says “Got any bread?”
“For cryin’ out loud – N-O spells NO and I mean NO! !”
The day after the duck returns and says “Got any bread?”
“Look, if you ask me one more damn time if I’ve got any bread,
I’m going to nail your damn beak to the damn bar!!”
The next day the duck returns and says “”Got any nails?”
“No!”
“Got any bread?

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