Best short quotes

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

I feel like having a baby and having a dog are pretty much the same except for the part where your vagina gets ruined.

Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

I think if you get kicked in the face you deserved it because that means that you watched the foot come to your face.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

Give me the bottle, I’ll chug two thirds, ‘cause you bitches know fractions speak louder than words.

I don't care if people think I am an overactor, as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter.

Before everyone screams for me to get over myself, let me say that it’s no use. I never will.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.