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So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.

tags: communication, IT, wedding
+1-194.62 % / 3137 votes.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

tags: animal, health, rude
+1-194.57 % / 1658 votes.

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe. After 10 minutes he asked me why I hadn't pulled over. I said we are still in Manchester.

tags: attitude, car, travel
+1-194.54 % / 1791 votes.

I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

tags: life, money, sarcastic, time
+1-194.53 % / 1849 votes.

Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

tags: animal
+1-194.51 % / 1781 votes.

I would tell you my autumn joke but you probably wouldn't fall for it

tags: autumn, communication, puns
+1-194.49 % / 1797 votes.

They used to time me with a stopwatch... now they use a calendar.

tags: sarcastic, sport, time
+1-194.47 % / 1690 votes.

Anger; the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

tags: life
+1-194.42 % / 1595 votes.

I got lost in your eyes. But I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it.

tags: love, rude, work
+1-194.16 % / 1712 votes.

Always identify who to blame in an emergency.

tags: attitude, health, motivational
+1-193.40 % / 1782 votes.
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