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The Covert Comic

Weekly Intelligence Briefing

 

 

(Note: Cleared readers only, please.)

If spies are the eyes and ears of a prince, a good intelligence analyst is his olfactory system.

● The James Bond character has been portrayed by seven different actors. In real espionage, a competent ops officer is portrayed by way more actors than that. 

● FACT CHECK: No, Fact Checkers Won’t Hurt You (If You Do What We Say)

● A co-worker told me she’s terrified of drinking because she doesn’t want to end up like her parents.

I said “Your parents are alcoholic?”

She said “No, they’re parents.”

Every picture is actual size.

Executive Intelligence Summary

In space no one can hear you scream. But except for that, Earth and space are way different.

           

*

 

Briefing Capitol Hill to support informed policymaking is like becoming a taxidermist so you can work with animals.

Back when I started at CIA, every male officer was required to wear a coat and tie to work.

… On the other hand, that was all we were required to wear.

● “Before we begin, let me set expectations for this meeting.”

Takes out wireless handheld expectation setter, types on keypad.

“OK, lets get started.”

● How you garnish the strips of meat you cut from the dead bodies of passengers in the plane you were flying on that crashed in a remote mountain range is the real you.

If I think for one minute that I’m the kind of person who would have sex with me on the very first date, then I’m sadly mistaken.

Executive Intelligence Summary

Which mask to wear, which wear to mask.

                     

*

 

 

Homeland Security Update: If you see a sign that says ‘If you see something, say something,’ it is not necessary to contact the Department of Homeland Security to say you saw this.

● ‘Calling in an airstrike’ may sound good, but it doesn’t address the deeper issues underlying the conflict (for that you typically need to call in multiple airstrikes).

● What’s the smoke signal for ‘smoke signal’?

● ‘Umpteenth’ sounds like a lot, but it’s really just the number ump + 10.

Whenever I read that quote by Hemingway, “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk,” I have a drink!

Executive Intelligence Summary

It's only jaw-dropping if your mouth isn't already agape.

 

The Covert Comic officially isn't on X.

The Covert Comic.

Read him while you still can!