From Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album)
Announcer's Voice (Eric Idle): Rex Stardust, lead electric triangle with Toed the Wet
Sprocket, has had to have an elbow removed following their recent successful worldwide
tour of Finland. Flamboyant, ambidextrous Rex apparently fell off the back of a
motorcycle. "Fell off the back of a motorcyclist, most likely," quipped ace
drummer Jumbo McClooney on hearing of the accident. Plans are already afoot for a major
tour of Iceland.
Divorced after only eight minutes, popular television singing star Charisma changed her
mind on the way out of the registry office when she realized she had married one of the
Donkeys by mistake. The evening before in L.A.'s glittering night spot The Abattoir she
had proposed to drummer Reg Abbott of Blind Drunk after a whirlwind romance and a knee
tremblor But when the hangover lifted it was Keith Sly of the Donkeys who was on her arm
in the registry office. Keith, who was too ill to notice, remained unsteady during the
short ceremony, and when asked to exchange vows began to recite the names and addresses of
people who also used the stuff. Charisma spotted the error as Keith was being carried into
the wedding ambulance and becasme emotionally upset. However, the mistake was soon cleared
up, and she stayed long enough to consummate their divorce.
Dead Monkeys are to split up again according to their manager, Lefty Goldblatt. They've
been in the business now for ten years, nine as other groups. Originally the Dead Salmon,
they became for a while Trout, then Fried Trout, then Poached Trout In a White Wine Sauce,
and finally, Herring. Splitting up for nearly a month, they reformed as Red Herring, which
became Dead Herring, and then Dead Loss, which reflected the current state of the group.
Splitting up again to get their heads together, they reformed a fortnight later as Heads
Together, a tight little name which lasted them through a difficult period when their
drummer was suspected of suffering from death. It turned out to be only a rumor and they
became Dead Together, then Dead Gear, which led to Dead Donkeys, Lead Donkeys, and the
inevitable splitup. After nearly ten days they reformed again as Sole Meurnia, then Dead
Sole, Rock Cod, Turbot, Haddock, White Bass, The Plaices, Fish, Bream, Mackerel, Salmon,
Poached Salmon, Poached Salmon In a White Wine Sauce, Salmon Meurnia, and Helen Schapiro.
This last name, their favorite, had to be dropped following an injunction, and they split
up again. When they reformed after a record- breaking two days, they ditched the fishy
references and became Dead Monkeys, a name which they stuck with for the rest of their
careers. Now, a fortnight later, they finally split up.
(Phone rings--announcer picks it up)
L: What do you think of Dead Duck?
A: What do I think of Dead Duck?
L: Or Lobster.
A: Or Lobster? .