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Sung by Inspector Dim (Graham Chapman) during the Trial Scene (or one of them), when asked "Isn't there something else you could be doing with your great talents?"

Transcribed by Rich Rosen 7/18/94

If I were not with the CID, something else I'd like to be
If I were not with the CID, a window cleaner me
With a rub-a-dub-dub, and a scrub-a-dub-dub, and a rub-a-dub all day long
With a rub-a-dub-dub, and a scrub-a-dub-dub, I sing this merry song!
(rest of courtroom joins in)
If he were not with the CID, something else he'd like to be
If he were not with the CID, a window cleaner he
With a rub-a-dub-dub, and a scrub-a-dub-dub, and a rub-a-dub all day long
With a rub-a-dub-dub, and a scrub-a-dub-dub, he sings this merry song!
HEY!
(song ends... however, John Cleese as the barrister who couldn't find a kosher carpark continues nonetheless, without supporting music)
I-i-i-i-if I were not before the bar, something else I'd like to be
If I were not a barrister... an engine driver me!
With a chug-a-chug-chug and a chug-a-chug-chug and a...
(a befuddled and embarrassed Cleese returns to his seat where the knight in armor hits him in the head with a chicken)

 

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