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Spam

from The Final Rip Off

transcribed from tape 3/30/88 Daniel Rich

Man: Morning.

Waitress: Morning.

M: Well, what you got?

W: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; (vikings start singing in background) spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.

Vikings: Spam, spam , spam, spam, lovely spam, lovely spam.

W (cont): or lobster thermador ecrovets with a bournaise sause, served in the purple salm manor with chalots and overshies, garnashed with truffle pate, brandy, a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife: Have you got anything without spam?

Waitress: Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam. That's not got much spam in it.

Wi: I don't want any spam!

M: Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage?

Wi: That's got spam in it.

M: It hasn't got as much spam in it as spam, egg, sausage and spam has it?

Wi: (over vikings starting again) Could you do me egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam then?

Wa: Ech!

Wi: What do you mean ech! I don't like spam!

V: Lovely spam, wonderful spam....etc

Wa: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Bloody vikings. You can't have egg, bacon spam and sausage without the spam.

Wi: I don't like spam!

M: Sh dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. (starts vikings off again)

V: Lovely spam, wonderful spam...etc

Wa: Shut up! Baked beans are off.

M: Well, can I have her spam instead of the baked beans?

Wa: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, and spam?

V: Lovely spam, wonderful spam...etc...spam, spam, spam! (in harmony) .

 

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