Sunday, August 23, 2009

Pssst... over here...

If you like the type of nonsense previously found on "Don't Floss With Tinsel," I have a feeling you might enjoy this blog.

Just a hunch based purely on speculation...

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Post Election Thoughts

My prolonged disappearance from the blogosphere has left people wondering one thing: How does that one dude who used to blog everyday feel about the 2008 Presidential race?

That America wasn't paralyzed by my absence is a tribute to the indomitable spirit of its citizens. Still, I feel obligated to apologize for the recent financial woes suffered by many of you. My presence has been known to soothe skittish Wall Street-types, as well as rabid dogs and disconcertingly agitated youngters. In your honor, I shall consume a cup of Raman noodles and a slice of stale bread for dinner.

Back to the issue at hand; the recently completed election.

While I wasn't exactly jacked-up over Obama, he is certainly a better alternative than "The Man Who Wanted To Be President Just A Little Too Much,' aka John McCain. It is ironic that had John McCain run a campaign in 2008 similar in style and tenor to the campaign he ran in 2000, we might be having a very different conversation right now. Unfortunately for his 2008 presidential aspirations, McCain took the wrong political lessons from the Rovian smearings in South Carolina. He abandoned his maverick political leanings in favor of hateful rhetoric. I'm sad that a brave American like John McCain allowed his hunger for The Prize to hinder his judgment, and subsequently stain his reputation.

And now Barrack Obama is our President (elect). I suppose if I had a forum with Mr. Obama, in the few seconds before being swarmed-under by secret service goons, I would register one simple request: Screw Bipartisanship!

I found Obama's steady call for bipartisan cooperation in his acceptance speech to be infuriating. This country has suffered through an unrelenting ultra-conservative movement over the last 40 years. We have seen a dramatic erosion of the working class and those institutions that represent its interests. We have witnessed the deregulation of faceless corporate behemoths and the resulting economic devastation to small businesses and the communities they so faithfully serve. We have marked the demonization of "liberal" causes, like the advancement of civil liberties, the development of alternative energies, and the outlandish notion that democracy works best when wealthy Americans (who owe their ungodly wealth to the very system they seek to undermine) actually pay their fare share of taxes. And now, when a Democratic president will preside over a Democratic majority in the House of Representatives and the Senate, we are expected to nod approvingly as that president talks about "reaching across the aisle" to these same political hacks so hellbent on undermining what we hold dear?

"Nay!" I say.

Even if it costs him a second term, Barrack Obama must endeavor to right some of the massive wrongs perpetrated over the last 40 years. He has been given a mandate by the American people to do no less. That lingering dissatisfaction felt by most Americans, even if they can't verbalize its cause, is firmly rooted in the powerlessness born from conservative political and economic policies.

Conservatism has failed.

To appease those who have long-trumpeted the conservative cause with a prized seat at the table is like asking the captain of the Titanic for navigational tips. Conservatives had their chance and they failed... they failed this country and all but a privileged few of its citizens. The election of Barrack Obama is the final refutation of the conservative agenda.

The 'hope' about which Barrack Obama spoke so eloquently in his campaign holds significant meaning for staunch progressives like myself.

We hope his election will signal an end to regressive economic and social dogma.
We hope his election will restore clarity to a citizenry that has voted against its best interest for nearly 40 years.
We hope this election will push our country towards the inevitability of alternative energies.
We hope this election will emphasize the need for reason and science rather than divine guidance.
We hope this election will move beyond rhetoric and translate to tangible change.

I thank Mr. Obama for injecting hope into this past election cycle. I pray he doesn't squander the opportunity we have given him.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Bull Balls

Feast your eyes on this little blurb I found about the Testicle Festival!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The Quest Begins...

At last, I have begun my quest to rule the Internets!

This blog will grow so powerful--so massive in scope and reach--that all will gasp in wonder. Or at least one dude will offer to produce one of my criminally under-appreciated screenplays (hey, if a hipster brat like Diablo Cody can rule the Internet, so can I). Either way, I win!

Let us now begin this journey of world domination!

Rock Hard Abs In 30 Freaking Days!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

In the coming days, this blog will undergo a transformation heretofore unimagined by humankind!

I pray humankind is ready...