Best jokes ever

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.' Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.
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has 94.93 % from 33897 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Teacher: Now, Ramu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Ramu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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has 93.17 % from 3431 votes. More jokes about: food, god, school, teacher
He named the street he built after his wife. It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
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has 91.27 % from 3149 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Murphy's Laws of Computing 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. 6. To err is human.. to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural. 7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up. 8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer. 9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. 10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. 11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
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has 90.68 % from 621 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, programmer
Q: How do you make holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it.
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has 90.53 % from 1177 votes. More jokes about: christian, religious, science
Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. Full name: John 2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. 3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream. 4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. 5. Mental health: mentally retarded. 6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit. 7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named as Redwing and the lizard named as Notail 8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock. 9. Working motivation: none. I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John
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has 90.48 % from 4891 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, work
Chuck Norris really can get chicken from a tuna can.
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has 89.43 % from 1287 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fish, food
Why did the Irishman give up internet shopping? The trolley kept falling off the computer.
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has 88.64 % from 1935 votes. More jokes about: IT
Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
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has 88.31 % from 1016 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer, women
Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A: A thought.
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has 87.18 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: blonde, vulgar
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