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So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.

tags: communication, IT, wedding
+1-194.62 % / 3136 votes.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

tags: animal, health, rude
+1-194.61 % / 1652 votes.

Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

tags: animal
+1-194.56 % / 1779 votes.

I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you." I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

tags: life, money, sarcastic, time
+1-194.52 % / 1847 votes.

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe. After 10 minutes he asked me why I hadn't pulled over. I said we are still in Manchester.

tags: attitude, car, travel
+1-194.52 % / 1786 votes.

I would tell you my autumn joke but you probably wouldn't fall for it

tags: autumn, communication, puns
+1-194.49 % / 1796 votes.

Anger; the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

tags: life
+1-194.48 % / 1593 votes.

They used to time me with a stopwatch... now they use a calendar.

tags: sarcastic, sport, time
+1-194.47 % / 1689 votes.

I got lost in your eyes. But I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it.

tags: love, rude, work
+1-194.22 % / 1710 votes.

Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.

tags: beauty, life
+1-193.41 % / 2114 votes.
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