By Warwick Evans
(sound of orchestra tuning up)
Good evening and welcome to the City Hall Concert Hall.
Tonight, the Hong Kong Philharmonic, together with the Tsuen Wan Abattoir Choir, will
be performing Carl Orf's Carmina Burana, under the expert direction of tonight's guest
conductor, all the way from Belfast's Royal Ulster Conservatory, the Reverend Ian Paisley.
As I look towards the front of the auditorium, I can still see several members of the
orchestra staggering back and forth blindly, desperate to find their way back on stage
after what one can only assume to have been a very heavy lunch. One of the first
violinists there, totally legless, just casually throwing up into the second row, and now
being physically lifted from the ground by several security men, and away towards one of
the exits.
A half-dozen or so members of the orchestra taking advantage of the delay in the start
of tonight's proceedings to beat up the leader of the woodwind section who's refusing to
let go of a crate of beer.
The St. John's ambulance brigade just lending a hand there, and it's amazing just what
can be achieved using nothing more than a simple tranquilliser gun and a net.
Now, this is extraordinary. Never one to be left out of one of Hong Kong's social
happening's, Ted Marr has stolen everyone's attention by abseiling down from the upper
gallery wearing nothing but a pink leotard and frogman's flippers. He really does know how
to make an entrance. Ooh! And it seems he's not too happy, and he's lashing out in all
directions. He's absolutely fuming. Apparently someone told him it was a costume party.
This is amazing. The entire string section has set fire to their violins and are
hurling them into the audience. It looks just like Dante's Inferno.
And as the fire department arrive and start playing their hoses throughout the burning
auditorium, it's goodbye from the City Hall, and back to the studio.
