 By Warwick Evans
- Director:
- (to stage) Thank-you. Next please! (aside) Oh God, this never-ending stream of so-called
poets with their bloody rhyming nonsense is beginning to give me what I suspect will be
the mother of all migraine attacks. How many more? !!
- Assistant:
- Last one, last one. Here, here's an aspirin.
- Director:
- Well that's no good without any water. (to stage)
all right, yes you sir. You were going to do something for us, I believe?
- Bard:
- Well, I wasn't really sure what you wanted when I heard about the audition, so I've
written something which I think, in a way at least, sums up the very ... what I consider
to be the essence of ... well, how can I put it? ... well it's a sort of . . .
- Director:
- (to stage) Now look,
I'm really not interested in hearing anything other than your actual audition piece.
That's what you've come here to do ... presumably. So please ... why don't you ... just do
it! (aside) and give us all a break.
- Bard:
- It's in the style of ... well it's a nonsense poem ... and it's called "He Thought
He Saw Hong Kong, But Looked Again and Found It To Be Something Quite Different."
- Director:
- (aside) Oh dear God,
where do we get them from? (to stage) Well, come on, we haven't got all day. Let's be hearing you!
- Bard:
- He thought he saw a governor who wouldn't pay his tax
He looked again and saw it was a block of candle wax
You'd better hurry up, he said, and send it off by fax.
-
- He thought he saw Sir Winston Churchill standing in a shop.
He looked again and saw it was a cardboard cut-out cop.
We cannot meet like this, he said, it really has to stop!
-
- He thought he saw a group of girls sit down in Statue Square
He looked again and saw it was an avocado pear.
Please face the other way, he said, it's very rude to stare.
-
- He thought he saw young Martin Lee stand up and give a speech
He looked again and saw it was a tin of household bleach.
In order to be fair, he said, you have five minutes each.
-
- He thought he saw an unfair clause inside the basic law.
He looked again and saw it was a large revolving door.
I do not see the point, he said, and threw it on the floor.
-
- He thought he saw a colony whose time was running out
He looked again and saw it was a half-cooked brussels sprout
When 'ninety-seven comes, he said, I'll give Beijing a shout.
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