We Were Poor
From "Monty Python Live at City Center"
and "Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl"
Four well-dressed men sitting together at a vacation resort. "Farewell to
Thee" being played in the background on Hawaiian guitar. Michael Palin: Ahh.. Very
passable, this, very passable. Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de
Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah? Terry Gilliam: You're right there Obediah. Eric Idle: Who'd a
thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine? MP:
Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea. GC: A cup ' COLD
tea. EI: Without milk or sugar. TG: OR tea! MP: In a filthy, cracked cup. EI: We never
used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper. GC: The best WE
could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth. TG: But you know, we were happy in
those days, though we were poor. MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to
me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness." EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and
I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the
roof. GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred
and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled
together in one corner for fear of FALLING! TG: You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used
to have to live in a corridor! MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda'
been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken
up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph. EI:
Well when I say "house" it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of
tarpolin, but it was a house to US. GC: We were evicted from *our* hole in the ground; we
had to go and live in a lake! TG: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and
sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road. MP: Cardboard box? TG:
Aye. MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank.
We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of
stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got
home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt! GC: Luxury. We used to have to get
out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot
gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would
beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY! TG: Well we had
it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and
LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel,
worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got
home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife. EI: Right. I had to get up in the
morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter),
eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for
permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about
on our graves singing "Hallelujah." MP: But you try and tell the young people
today that... and they won't believe ya'. ALL: Nope, nope..
|
