The Tabloids

Copyright©1993 Evans and Savidge

By Vaughan Savidge

 

(sound of typewriters in newspaper newsroom)

Aussie Editor:

Right. I think I've got it. Nubile Laura's Night of Naughtiness in er ... where does she go to school? It's not Nottingham is it?

 

Reporter:

Bath, I think. I could find out.

 

Aussie Editor:

No, don't bother. You're probably right. (pause) Beautiful Laura Battles Bulimia Bravely. How's that for a headline?

 

Reporter:

Well she's only visiting for the holidays. We don't know she's battling anything.

 

Aussie Editor:

All right all right. Bloody hell. You'd think it mattered or something. (pause) How about ... Laura's Love romp Leaves Lascivious Lover Lovelorn in London. Perfect.

 

Reporter:

But she's just a 17-year-old girl visiting her family on holiday.

 

Aussie Editor:

All right then. How about: Homesick for Hong Kong - Lovely Laura leaves London Love nest - Doting Dad Driven Dotty.

 

Reporter:

Now you've got it.

 

 

(sound of presses rolling to fade)