By Andy Chworowsky
(sound inside cab)
- Driver:
- Lei hoei been doh ah?
- Man:
- Good evening to you, my good fellow. Yes. Splendid. Ah, could you take me to Causeway
Bay?
- Driver:
- Lei gong mut-yeh ah!? Gweilo?
- Man:
- Well, I, I, I, I want to go to Tung Lo Wan. Yes, that's it. Tung Lo Wan m'gwaah ni,
dixi. Hwaah, hwaah. And fei di m'gwaah.
- Driver:
- (Heavy Cantonese 14K sighing, mumbling, etc., followed by very
loud yawn)
- Man:
- Ah...... Causeway Bay? No? No good? You not like go Tung Lo Wan?
- Driver:
- Aiy yah!
- Man:
- Well, Causeway Bay doesn't fit in with your plans then.
- Driver:
- You to shut your mowfoo, you great big fat white pig.
- Man:
- Ah ha! You don't think I understand your local customs. But I do. This is just your way
of greeting foreigners in an informal way, isn't it?
- Driver:
- (Hawks and spits)
- Man:
- Ah. Now that would be? ... Wait a minute, I read it in Clavell. Of course! You're
exorcising the "Spittle God" and protecting yourself from unhealthy demons. Am I
right?
- Driver:
- (Loud violent junk food belch)
- Man:
- There's honesty for you. If you feel it, go right ahead and do it, that's what I always
say.
- Driver:
- (Rich fruity fart)
- Man:
- Well, that's what I admire. A no-nonsense working man, who knows what he wants to do,
and has the courage of his convictions. I must say I'm impressed. What other surprises do
you have in store?
- Driver:
- (violent vomiting)
- Man:
- Mmmmm! So nice of you to share that with me. Really! And now I have a little something
just for you. (shoots gun - three shots). When will these
people learn? Oh shit!
(taxi crashes)
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