Double Take - Ode to a Lame Duck

Ode to a Lame Duck

By Warwick Evans

Director:

Next please! (aside) how many more of these scum buckets to go?

Assistant:

No more. This is the last one.

Director:

(aside) Oh thank God for that. I'm beginning to wilt. (to stage) All right Mr. ... whoever. Let's be hearing you.

Bard:

Here's a little something I thought I might do it's a sort of, well it's meant to be a kind of, ah ... how can I describe it?

Director:

(aside) Spare us, please! (to stage) Just read it, and read it quickly, so we can all get out of here before 1997. My God, is that too much to ask? Good!

Bard:

It's called "Ode To a Lame Duck."

When dealing with China,

There's nobody finer,

Than Patten who lives on the hill.

But when China comes out,

And calls him a lout,

It really makes me feel ill.

I'm mostly quite bored,

With dear David Ford,

His manner is terribly dry.

And Old William Purves,

He makes me quite nervous,

Although I can't tell you quite why.

Take that old beggar,

Jimmy McGreggor,

He really doesn't say much.

And when Michael Thomas,

Starts making a promise,

It sounds a lot like double Dutch.

Martin Lee is a fellow,

Who sounds fairly mellow,

But they all send him up something rotten.

At the end of the day,

I'm sorry to say,

What he said is completely forgotten.

Though they're a weird bunch,

When it comes to the crunch,

Chris Patten and Legco stand tall.

And with total disorder,

Just over the border,

They're not that bad after all.